Being a single mom is not what I had planned, it’s far better. I have everyday with my daughter, I experience all of her firsts, and I watch her grow by the second. It is a love that is only understood by parents, describing it is nearly impossible. It is a feeling that is greater than any experience; it is the ultimate form of love.
Yes, there are moments I wonder what I was thinking; this beautiful tiny person I made is driving me insane. But the difficult moments are fleeting, and are overshadowed by a smile that melts my heart like butter, or a touch that makes me want to burst into tears of joy.
When I look at my daughter, I say my baby is the oldest she has ever been and the youngest she will ever be. This prompts me to be present in the moments of the day. Forget taking life day by day, it is moment by moment as a mom. I take hundreds of pictures; I purchase more storage on the Cloud; I ask myself if it’s really a good idea to keep my daughter's Band-Aid from her first vaccination (it wasn’t).
Then I find myself daydreaming about what her future holds. What will be her favorite color; what activities will she want to try; what is going to be her passion in life; which little boy is going to break her heart for the first time; and how am I going to help her through moments of hardship and disappointment.
Regardless, I am writing this as I lay my daughter to sleep, knowing this is the smallest she will ever be again, and how exciting that I am helping this tiny person thrive and grow. And what happens tomorrow or in an hour doesn’t matter, because right now, I am here, where I am supposed to be, just me and my daughter.